Friday, October 12, 2012

My Beautiful Girl

Another Halloween approaches.  We will be moving after this year's celebration and so, I was hoping that this would be the very best Haunt that I have done.  I've worked ever so hard over the past year and have 20 actors lined up--should be fabulous...but...tragedy has a way of rearing its ugly head when you least expect it.
Many of you know that I have a LOT of animals that I care for--amongst them are my two babies--my horses, Bonnie and Majik.  On Tuesday morning, my beautiful girl--Bonnie--passed away....totally unexpected and completely horrific.  She was just 16 years old.  Colic is the number one killer of horses--they have delicate digestive systems and miles of intestines...every now and then, their intestines become 'twisted' and everything shuts down and well, you can imagine the rest:  horrible pain and suffering. This happened to my darling girl.
I have given birth three times in my life--I have gone through the deaths of my father and my father-in-law and numerous animal members of my family but this, by far, has been the most intense experience of my life.
I went to the barn to fix their breakfast and clean their stalls, etc., etc., as I have done for the past 10 years and knew that something was not right as soon as I glimpsed her stall.  I called the vet asap but all three of them were already out on emergency calls.  Within two hours, my beautiful girl went from having, seemingly, a bit of a problem with her back left leg to death--watching her fail and being completely helpless has been, to date, the most excruciating experience of my life.  All I could do is hold her head in my arms and will her to live which, obviously, did not work.  Two bloody hours of hell and disbelief. 
Anyway, guys, I love Halloween but I'm not sure I can do it this year.  Part of Halloween is remembering the Dead; honoring them and celebrating the life beyond but I'm just not sure I can do it this year.  My heart is breaking.



10 comments:

  1. Oh Pam! I am so sorry to hear this. What a horrible tragedy. My heart goes out to you and yours. Just do what your heart tells you to do, that will be the right thing. Again, I am so very sorry for this terrible loss.

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  2. Can't even imagine Pam. Take the time you need and heal in which ever way you can.

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  3. My condolences. Losing a beloved animal is heartbreaking, I know.

    Take the time to mourn properly. And do remember the dead.

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  4. It's beyond terrible. I'm all choked up just reading about it so I can't imagine how devastated you are. I've had a pet - our dog - have a seizure and die in my lap which was traumatizing (I pet and talked to him calmly until he was gone, then screamed things incoherently for a while) but it only lasted a minute or two. To have it drawn out for HOURS...when you refer to it as hell, that's the only way to put it. Pam, my heart is breaking for you. Certainly DO take the time for yourself. And ask for help if you need it. You've definitely got friends online who will listen to any venting/ranting/remembering you need to do.

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  5. Pam, I am am very sorry to hear this and know how much this must be hurting you right now. Best thoughts I can muster are coming your way.
    Peace be with you.

    dave

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  6. I am so sorry Pam. I can only imagine how much pain you are in. I hope you find peace and focus for your other beloved animal family. I truly wish I could do something to help you.

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  7. thanks for all the kind thoughts, everyone. means a lot to me.

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  8. Pam, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for the grief and pain you're going through. Watching anyone you love in pain and dying is truly hell on earth. Sending healing thoughts your way...

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  9. Sorry for your loss... She had beautiful markings...

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  10. My dear Pam... how awefull! Bonnie was such a beautiful horse and very sweet... Take good care of yourself ok? I think your sweetest cat takes care of Bonnie in the spiritual world. xoxo Donna

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