My Beautiful Girl

Another Halloween approaches.  We will be moving after this year's celebration and so, I was hoping that this would be the very best Haunt that I have done.  I've worked ever so hard over the past year and have 20 actors lined up--should be fabulous...but...tragedy has a way of rearing its ugly head when you least expect it.
Many of you know that I have a LOT of animals that I care for--amongst them are my two babies--my horses, Bonnie and Majik.  On Tuesday morning, my beautiful girl--Bonnie--passed away....totally unexpected and completely horrific.  She was just 16 years old.  Colic is the number one killer of horses--they have delicate digestive systems and miles of intestines...every now and then, their intestines become 'twisted' and everything shuts down and well, you can imagine the rest:  horrible pain and suffering. This happened to my darling girl.
I have given birth three times in my life--I have gone through the deaths of my father and my father-in-law and numerous animal members of my family but this, by far, has been the most intense experience of my life.
I went to the barn to fix their breakfast and clean their stalls, etc., etc., as I have done for the past 10 years and knew that something was not right as soon as I glimpsed her stall.  I called the vet asap but all three of them were already out on emergency calls.  Within two hours, my beautiful girl went from having, seemingly, a bit of a problem with her back left leg to death--watching her fail and being completely helpless has been, to date, the most excruciating experience of my life.  All I could do is hold her head in my arms and will her to live which, obviously, did not work.  Two bloody hours of hell and disbelief. 
Anyway, guys, I love Halloween but I'm not sure I can do it this year.  Part of Halloween is remembering the Dead; honoring them and celebrating the life beyond but I'm just not sure I can do it this year.  My heart is breaking.